The Illiterate Expands the Empire (of Idiocy)

Somehow, against all odds and rational thought, this Illiterate (that's me) has taken things a step further and not only joined a second book club, but in a truly deranged act of ambition, actually created one. Why? No clue. Probably a cry for help. But let’s take a moment to highlight just how far this literary train wreck has gone:

1. I’ve somehow roped 9 other poor souls into this venture. 9 willing participants in what can only be described as a definite 100% likely to fail endeavor;.
2. As a direct consequence of Point 1, I’m now contractually (emotionally?) bound to this Idiocracy until at least December 2026.
3. Using advanced statistical modeling (π × (unicorns⁴ ÷ nacho_cheese) + √(Monday) = the square root of regret), I calculated that we’re definitely unable to read more than one book every other month. Let’s be honest though, that equation assumes not donkeys, and, we're all donkeys, so, that’s still about four more books than we’ll actually finish.
4. In a desperate attempt to keep things on track, we’ve implemented the only logical consequence for literary laziness: if you don’t finish the book, you take a shot. And just to spice things up, the person who chose the book also chooses the punishment shot. Tequila? Absinthe? Gasoline? The possibilities are endless.

One member of this very not Brady bunch told me tonight that she’s very excited about this book “club” and even tried to engage me in questions like, “So how will the discussions go?”—implying, bless her heart, that she thought this was some high-class gathering where we sip wine and have sophisticated conversations about narrative arcs. The pain on her face as I tried to explain the concept of a no-rules book club where the only real rule is chaos and alcohol can only be described as truly adorable.

Given that I’ve already proven to be wildly inconsistent in Book Club 1, I have zero expectations that Book Club 2 will go any better.

So, in the spirit of failure, procrastination, and inevitable alcohol poisoning…

Bottoms up.